Dec
20

Christmas Longings

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I slept and awakened and slept and awakened and slept and awakened.  The dream of my mother, lost and confused by Alzheimer’s, played over and over in my sleep.

I awakened to a flood of emotions. Both love for my mother and an overwhelming sense of my lack of ability to help her washed over me.

Drawn to the place where I last left her, I made my way on the hour-long trip to the cemetery. Stopping to buy some Christmas flowers, I felt annoyed by the small talk I couldn’t escape. I longed to be alone with my emotions.

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happy thanksgiving

I awakened early today. Drawn into the still quiet moments while awaiting the sun’s arrival, I heard lyrics playing in my head. “Your constant grace remains my cornerstone.” A gentle joy filled my heart as I thought of what a perfect Thanksgiving reflection those lyrics express.

The years come and go. Life’s transitions continue but my constant cornerstone truly remains the mercy and grace of God.

Psalm 136 beautifully expresses what my heart feels. “Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, … Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven! For His mercy endures forever.”

God’s good heart remains constant amidst the ever changing days of my life. He has been and continues to be faithful to me.

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I just couldn’t shake the nagging nausea. I hoped it wasn’t the flu that was going around. The surprise I felt when a fellow teacher suggested I might be pregnant led me to a pregnancy test which brought even more surprise – and delight! The mixture of nagging nausea and surprise and joy should have tipped me off to what was ahead. However I was much too young and inexperienced at life in general to understand that the journey into motherhood would forever change everything about me.

Now some 30+ years later, my four children continue to stretch me and delight me and scare me and change me.

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8As of late, I’ve been thinking more about food. My husband and I have been on a quest to get healthier, lose weight, and exercise more. We’ve taken some time to evaluate our food habits. We’ve identified some pits that we often fall in (M & M’s and late night Honey Nut Cheerios) and made plans to avoid them. We’ve stocked our refrigerator with healthier foods and taken to the treadmill.

One thing I’ve definitely become more aware of is that some foods satisfy hunger much better than others. Another thing I’ve found is that some foods actually increase my hunger.

While physical hunger drives us to choices, both good and bad, spiritual hunger can also drive us to choices, both good and bad.

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imagesCould you use some extra strength today? Next week? This year? There is a way to find it.

We all understand that our physical body can be strengthened through exercise and nutrition, through getting focused on making good choices one day at a time, over and over and over until we can tangibly experience the results of those changes. But how often we fail to strengthen our spiritual life!

Now I know that some of you felt weary and tired when you even considered the idea of strengthening your spiritual life. You have tried that before and ended up crashing somewhere like a rocket that ran out of fuel.

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Categories : Christian Living
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