Archive for February, 2010
The Diary
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When I was a little girl, I had a diary. It was just a cheap cardboard bound little book with a lock. I kept the key hidden away. Had anyone really wanted to read my diary badly enough, the lock would have been simple to break, yet having a lock on the diary was a sign of power. It was my story and no one was allowed to read it.
Part of the intrigue of a diary is both the power of the writer to lock away their secrets and the risk of someone else finding the diary and reading the author’s most treasured secrets.
To me, there was always something mysteriously wonderful about my diary. For one thing, it was a place I could write my deepest secrets and thoughts in safety. Secondly, there was the beauty of the lock itself. The lock was power. My power. The power to tell my story and then hide it away. I always kept the key hidden far away from the actual diary. My diary could not betray me as long as I kept the key.
There was always the potential for a power shift. If someone else found my diary and my key, opened my diary and read it, then they would have the power of knowing my innermost thoughts.
Of course, diary keeping is quite different today. Online diaries and locked away passwords are the storage places and keys for today’s world, but the dynamics are really the same.
Doing Life Differently
Posted by: | CommentsIf you are in the wrong place in your life, there is only one way to get back to the right place and that is through repentance.
Two years ago, my husband and I found ourselves in the wrong place and have since experienced many life changes brought about through repentance. One of the things we have committed to in order to continue these changes is annually setting aside a week for self-evaluation and input from a Christian counselor. Last week, we spent four days in Denver, Colorado, with Michael Cusick, founder and president of Restoring the Soul Ministries, a ministry dedicated to providing life-changing soul care for Christian leaders.
While I was spending some moments evaluating my relationship with God, others, and my own heart, Michael shared his definition of repentance with me – doing life differently. Although the definition contained the essence of other ways that I had defined repentance throughout the years, it struck a chord of new understanding inside my heart. For me, the definition provided a way for me to evaluate my life in relation to repentance. At that moment and for the days following, I have been looking at my life and asking myself, “Where are the ways that I can say I am doing my life differently? Where is there evidence that I have changed?”
Many times I have “repented”. I have asked for God’s forgiveness for my actions, attitudes, and words. But how many times have I continued in the same patterns? How often has there been no tangible evidence of change in my life?
Can I Show You My Scars?
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Yesterday I was putting on my makeup. I was working to cover up a scar when I began to sense God speaking to me. I thought of my physical scars. The one I was “covering up” and the tiny little scars up and down my arms are from a car wreck when I was sixteen. The big scars on my leg and shoulder are from motorcycle and bicycle wrecks. Yes, I had my own motorcycle for years! I have the scars to prove it!
I thought of how many times I have tried to hide my emotional scars resulting from “wrecks” in my life. With each stroke of the makeup brush, God’s voice became clearer.
I thought of how children proudly show off their scars, comparing scars to gain the wow “prize” for having the biggest scars. Then my heart was saddened as I contemplated how childhood innocence fades away into grown up mindsets which teach us that scars are to be hidden.
Jesus appeared to his disciples after his resurrection. To prove his identity, he showed them his scars and invited them to touch the scars.
Can you imagine the moment?
