Mikki's Blog - Living in the Grace and Love of God » Authenticity

Nothing Less Than Something More

Mikki — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 14:43:52 +0000

It’s my birthday today. As I get older, birthdays seem more significant. I reflect more. I evaluate my life. I ask questions.

Am I living an authentic life? Am I living in balance? Have I forgotten to listen to my heart or my Lord? Am I enjoying my family, friends, and church community as fully as I should?

I laughingly call myself a recovering workaholic, and as such, these questions are important for me. I have a sense that these same questions are necessary for all of us who live the great American life which exalts busyness above relationships.

In honor of my heart and soul and what I’ve learned in recent years, I took the day off work today. I began the day with a cup of Archers Farm coffee and a bite of almond pound cake and a good conversation with my husband. I drank in both the coffee and the words in my husband’s birthday letter to me.

I received hugs from my husband and youngest son. I enjoyed birthday wishes from my daughter via phone. I await my wishes from my other two sons as it is still early here in Alabama. My husband’s men’s small group sang Happy Birthday to me.

I am filling my soul and spirit with Jesus Culture as I oscillate between reading birthday wishes from friends via Facebook and email and writing this blog.

I look forward to other significant moments today. I plan to read a good book, which is a pleasure of mine, and my husband is taking me to Cracker Barrel for breakfast where I will enjoy the delightful world of carbohydrates.

I feel at peace, and I know that I am not settling for shallowness, either in my relationships or in my dreams.

I want nothing less than something more.

More than living life to check off a to-do list. More than living for the pats on the back that are not linked to relationships that stand the tests of trials and time.

I believe that life is meant to be more. A sacred adventure. A journey of discovery.

I live for more. More fullness of joy. More revelation of God’s love for me. More good conversations. More beautiful sunsets. More meaningful hugs. More laughter. More awareness of the present moment. The heights of the joys. The depths of the sorrows. The richness of life. The beauty of today. The something more.

What about you? Are you living for nothing less than something more?

Nothing Less Than Something More

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Emotions: Moses’ Journey and Our Invitation

Mikki — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 11:23:04 +0000

I felt as if I were inside Moses’ skin yesterday morning as I meditated on Deuteronomy 31. I identified with his emotions. It was a moment when the Holy Spirit opened my eyes through my own journey to glimpse into Moses’ heart.

Moses, who struggled long and hard with his personal abilities, the call of God on his life, had come to the end of 120 years. He had learned so much. He’d been transformed in so many ways.

He now stood confidently before the people he had led for the last forty years. The moment was painful for him and for his people. He must release them to another leader and he must do it in such a way that they don’t struggle to follow Joshua, the new leader. That took a good measure of strength, wisdom, and self-control. He loved this people. He had felt called to lead them for eighty years.

The first thing Moses said to his people was that he was just not physically able to lead them any longer because the days ahead would be challenging and would require the next generation to use their energy and youthfulness to face what was ahead.

And while this was completely true, somehow I felt that Moses was saying the easy thing first. It was his moment of connecting them to something they could accept more easily before he chose to share the more difficult truth.

This difficult was that God would not allow him to personally cross over the Jordan. Moses owned his personal truth. He shared it with his people even though perhaps he could have been tempted to limit this moment to the physical truth of his age. He was vulnerable before the people. Previously he had been tempted to hide his vulnerability. Now he embraced it.

Moses had grown as a leader. He spoke for himself instead of depending on someone else. He faced truth. There was no anger in his words. His heart was for his people. He was preparing them.

He assured them that the Lord Himself would be crossing over before them and dealing with their enemies. Then he comforted them by telling them that Joshua would be crossing over before them.

He admonished them not to be afraid. It is God who was leading them through others and God would continue to be faithful.

Moses had come to the place where it was no longer about him. He was secure in who he had become, a servant of God, a friend of God, a leader of the people. He led them courageously into a difficult transition.

He passed the baton, so to speak, to Joshua in front of the people. Moses was deliberate in his actions and his words. This moment was so important for the people and he knew it.

What had happened to the Moses who was impatient, who was angry, and who often felt incompetent? He had matured. He had allowed the work of God in his own heart. He had endured a lot of pain and difficult days.

Perhaps this was his greatest moment, even greater than choosing to leave the palace and identifying with the Israelite people, even greater than the Passover, even greater than leading the people through the Red Sea, even greater than when he received the Ten Commandments. Oh surely not, you might say but can you see the beauty of what was happening?

Moses stood before the people and led them from a place of acceptance, self-control, and vision. His personal struggles had quieted enough that he was aware of the big picture and the importance of the moment which was so much more than just about him and his passions and his call.

A moment when, no doubt, his emotions were sky high inside his chest. He was attune to his emotions but not enslaved to them.

Perhaps tears fill his eyes. This was no easy moment. Moses was giving up a dream, one which had cost him dearly to follow.

With grace and beauty, Moses led. He led without denying his personal failures. He led without anger towards God or others over his personal rights. He led with a compassion that had been tried in the furnace of tough days and purified.

The journey of Moses’ life is portrayed in the Scripture in real, raw, and relevant ways. He was not a perfect man, yet he loved his God and he kept on keeping on. He grew in his humanity and in his spirituality. At the end of his life, his emotions no longer controlled him, in part because he had learned to listen to them and find out what they were telling him about his soul and his God.

Where are you on the journey? Do you struggle with your personal call? Does its importance seem to overshadow the big picture of what God is doing in the kingdom? Do you need to find more self-acceptance and self-awareness? Do you need God’s purifying work in your emotional life?

Will you embrace the journey as an invitation from God which will prepare you for the greatest moments of your life?

Emotions: Moses' Journey and Our Invitation

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I’m Sorry

Mikki — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 13:16:08 +0000

Like molasses reluctantly ascending from an overturned jar, my words moved from somewhere deep within. The battle raged. I wanted to apologize, and yet, I didn’t. One part of my heart was tender, caring, and repentant. Another part was calloused, stubborn, and selfish.

My two natures each sought victory. I identified with Paul, remembering the words he spoke in Romans 7 of the inner war. For the moment, my Christ’ nature won, yet often my flesh nature waves its victory flag.

Why is it so difficult to say those two little words? I’m sorry.

We can’t maintain healthy relationships without humility and repentance, but we all struggle to allow Christ to rule in our hearts. My flesh nature and your flesh nature are never truly dead in this life and frequently resurrect to remind us.

Paul reminds us in Philippians 2:3-5 that we are to do nothing out of selfish ambitions or vain conceits, but that we are, in humility, to consider others more than ourselves, having the same attitude of Christ.

How do we allow our selfish natures to be crucified? The best answer seems to be “one nail at a time”.

Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, year by year, we walk with Christ. We learn more of his heart and his nature. We learn more of our own heart and our own nature.

At the moment we first trust him, we receive his nature. The work of our sanctification begins. The journey continues until one day we look upon his face. In the meantime, the Spirit of God within us beckons us to follow his voice, lay down our agendas, love well, and live fully.

Sounds simple, huh?

Yet scripture often uses warfare analogies to picture the reality of the process of sanctification. It’s war. We have an enemy. Satan. And we have an enemy. Our flesh.

My flesh always feels I am right and others are wrong, but as I walk with Christ in commitment to his heart, he whispers to me when I will listen. He nudges me, encouraging me to face the truth. He woos me to his heart.

Oh, I am not always wrong, but I am not always right.

An outright apology can go miles in restoring relationships, and it’s almost humorous to watch how most people struggle to apologize when they are wrong (remember, I’ve already admitted I am president of this club sometimes.)

“Well, I felt bad that day.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“You just misunderstood me.”

Oh, there are a million variations but the bottom line is most of us just hate to apologize. We are selfish. We hold onto our need to be right with everything within us.

It’s in our giving up, our humility, our obedience, and our heart for relationships that we can say the words, “I’m sorry.”

Plain and simple.

No excuses.

“I was wrong.”

Not all folks will walk in peace with us ((Romans 12:18), but we are responsible for our own hearts and have to trust God with the outcome. We are not to be doormats, either, but today I am speaking of owning our personal wrongdoing.

Be a peacemaker today. Own your own stuff. Put on your big boy or big girl pants and just say it, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

When we come to that place, God’s grace rushes into our hearts, healing us, and restoring our peace. His beautiful presence shines inside us like sunshine on a springtime day. We are warmed by His goodness. That goodness, that peace, is there for us all today.

I'm Sorry

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