Mikki's Blog - Living in the Grace and Love of God » brokenness

Mercies in Disguise: Finding God in Your Trials

Mikki — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:14:57 +0000

Seasons of trials and troubles, pain and suffering, disappointments and dying dreams can leave all of us with more questions than answers. We find ourselves unable to box our theological answers as neatly as before. We wrestle with questions like, “Where are you, God?” “Why have you deserted me?” “Are you real, God?” In our trials, we reach for our false strengths and we find that they were only illusions.

My greatest trials thus far lie just behind me. I can still see them in the rear view mirror. And yet, I move forward looking unto the road before me.

As Laura Story so beautifully sings in her song, Blessings, I have found blessings in the raindrops, healing in the tears, God’s presence in my sleepless nights. Somehow, in the ways that only God can, my trials have brought me God’s mercies in disguise.

I don’t like it. In fact, I hate it, this process where God allows us to be stripped of our defenses and our facades. I hate the process and cherish the result.

And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. And…the man touched the hollow of his thigh. Genesis 32:24-25

God met Jacob when he was alone. All of Jacob’s assets were of no good to him when he met God one on one. There was no one or no thing for Jacob to rely on that night. And maybe for the first time in his life, he didn’t run. He stayed, he wrestled. And God blessed him by wounding him.

Forevermore Jacob had a change of identity. He would no longer be identified with his false identity. He would now be, "Israel", He had stayed in the battle and not run away. He had prevailed.

He was now marked by his encounter, his wounding.

For Jacob, now Israel, the wound would forever be with him to remind him that he had encountered God. He was blessed. He was forgiven. He had found his true identity and could leave his past behind…except for that limp.

He could never take a step without his limp.

God’s strength would be shown in Jacob’s weakness.

Our God encounters have a way of showing us the eternal perspective of all we use to give us value in false ways. Whether money or beauty or influence, it can all be lost in an instant and suddenly one finds that the only things of value in this world is that which has been touched by God.

Our most transforming wrestling matches are between our own fleshly strengths and God’s supernatural strength. We will always lose, and yet, in losing, we win.

We become marked and there is no shame in the limp because it anchors us to the true hope we can only find in God.

Take a moment and listen to Laura’s song and ask yourself if there are blessings in your raindrops, healing in your tears, the nearness of God in your sleepless nights, and God’s mercy disguised in your trials.

Mercies in Disguise: Finding God in Your Trials

Enjoy this post? Share it with your friends by clicking the Facebook LIKE button..

Powered By Facebook Like Post Plugin

Finding Faith to Go On

Mikki — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 13:34:13 +0000

When you find yourself with your hopes and dreams lying in a million pieces around your feet, can you find the faith to go on? I found myself in that place about three and a half years ago. Every time I reference the story, I count the years, months, and days since the dam broke and my life was flooded with the violent waters of trouble. There seems to be some kind of solace in making that time further and further away from today. But in another way, my life will always be referenced from that point.

I don’t say that to be overly dramatic. In a short time period, I found my marriage on the rocks, I lost my job, seemed to lose my ministry, lost many friends who found themselves taking sides, caught in a whirlwind of gossip, and I found myself scrambling to survive emotionally and spiritually.

And yet I did. I survived. And really more than that. I thrived. Eventually. My marriage is healthier than ever. I’ve found a new job and a deeply meaningful ministry. I have wonderful friends and much healing and restoration have happened.

It certainly didn’t happen on day one or two or three or thirty or one-hundred but it did happen. And while the bottom line is that God sustained me, there were choices I had to make along the way. Hard choices. Difficult choices.

The first few months seemed to be a free fall. I identified with Job who lamented about his feelings about God:

12 I was at ease, but He has shattered me;

He also has taken me by my neck, and shaken me to pieces;

He has set me up for His target,

13 His archers surround me.

He pierces my heart and does not pity;

He pours out my gall on the ground.

14 He breaks me with wound upon wound;

He runs at me like a warrior. Job 16:12-14.

When the dust finally settled, I was left to face my reality. With the writer of Hebrews (12:27), I faced what remained. “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain.

And I dared to believe. Again. Not every day, but some days I began to hope. Somehow God could make something out of the rubble. Purpose could be born in adversity. Eventually, I began to radiate with the quest. I put one foot in front of the other. Again and again. I began to see what God was getting at in me. And it’s always about that. No matter what comes our way, God is there to birth insight and wholeness and purpose in us individually.

The violent shaking of my life opened me in such deep ways that suddenly I could see things I couldn’t see before. I was faced with my own deep brokenness. And I could choose. Would I miss the opportunity to face truth and use all my energy pointing my fingers at others? There were many days I did just that.

Yet I found myself in a dance with God. He invited me to dance with Him. I joined His hands. Then I moved away. Then I took His hands. Then I released them. Over and over, this ambivalent dance continued. At times, I still resist His leading and yet I’ve found the most outrageous truth, one I’ve long taught and believed but I began to experience the living reality of it in a deeper way. God can make something good out of something bad.

And perhaps, is that the essence of faith? God is on the throne. He is good. He is involved. He does care even when we can’t see His handiwork. Even when we can’t feel His presence, He is there.

As I write these words, I am keenly aware that some of you are in those difficult places. You are struggling to survive. You feel abandoned by God and by others. While I wish I could rescue you from that place, I know that it is a place where your foundations can be strengthened. Your life purpose can become clearer. You can find healing and wholeness. I have prayed for you at this moment.

Will you dare to look inside your own heart? What’s there that needs healing? What needs throwing out? What needs changing?

Jesus told us that we would have trouble in this world but then he assured us that we could have hope and courage because he had overcome the world. This promise means that even when life is tough, we can access the power to overcome. It may be three steps forward and two steps back, but it is our ordained journey. It is the way we change from glory to glory into his image.

Although your faith may be being tested, I believe in you and the God in you. Although you may be being shaken, there will be a foundation that remains and God will build something true and good on that foundation.

Perhaps you could pray, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” The God who hears and answers prayers is listening and is actively involved on your behalf. "Times New Roman";color:black;background:white">

"Times New Roman";color:black;background:white">

Finding Faith to Go On

Enjoy this post? Share it with your friends by clicking the Facebook LIKE button..

Powered By Facebook Like Post Plugin

Shattering Illusions

Mikki — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 13:38:48 +0000

Most of us have willingly entered a house of illusions, perhaps at a carnival or some circus event. Perhaps we’ve walked into a house of mirrors and were suddenly faced with distortions of our senses. Even though we know that what we are seeing is an illusion, we are nonetheless subject to the illusion. It feels real. Our depth and motion perception is affected. Our brain misinterprets the information it is receiving and gives us a false image.

We often live in illusions, some conscious and many unconscious.

How often do you and I choose, willingly, to live in a house of illusions? We may refuse to face the truth about our finances or our weight or a diagnosis we’ve been given by the doctor. We may prefer a world of fantasies which require nothing of us relationally. We may choose to numb our reality through drugs, alcohol, pornography, shopping, gambling, etc.

Or we may refuse to face the truth about our personal history.

It’s easy to do and can be much more comfortable than the truth. The problem is, however, that when we construct our world around our illusions, we are not living in the truth.

God instructed Isaiah to write to a rebellious lying people (Isaiah 30). These people basically had said to their spiritual leaders that they would prefer not to know the truth. They asked for the prophets and seers to speak and see what was comfortable, easy on their ears and hearts, “smooth things, deceits”, and please, above all, do not confront them with the Holy One.

They wanted to live in their illusions.

While we may not have consciously stated that we would prefer to live in our illusions, the reality often is that we are living in some measure of illusion.

God is truth and by His very nature, is committed to shattering illusions. He will allow and/or orchestrate circumstances which will break our illusions into pieces so that we can know more of Him and His truth.

Pain is a masterful illusion-shatterer. There’s nothing like pain to send us to our knees, prioritize our actions and thoughts, and break through our defenses.

C.S. Lewis said, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pain: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

When our illusions become bitter and no longer worth keeping, we find ourselves releasing our tight grip, opening our hearts and minds to whatever God may say. We become willing to be confronted by the Holy One. Our self-sufficiency is no longer sufficient.

Would you be willing to ask God to shatter your illusions? Are you hungry to live in the truth, even though the pathway to truth may be painful and will require you to give up the false things that prop you up? Are you willing to lean wholly on the Father?

When illusions shatter and truth shines forth into the darkest places of our hearts, God is at work. Truth is triumphing, and His Kingdom is coming in our lives.

Shattering Illusions

Enjoy this post? Share it with your friends by clicking the Facebook LIKE button..

Powered By Facebook Like Post Plugin