There are times when we must deal with our past issues because our past issues are still having a current effect on our lives.We do need to go back emotionally when we need to grieve our sins, our mistakes, our losses. We need to go back and experience the fullness of moments we have ignored, avoided, or pushed to the back of our consciousness.

But at other times, it is unfruitful and even unhealthy to go back.

There are two ways that we can choose to live in the past. One is by idealizing the past, and the other is by allowing the past to freeze us in our pain. Let’s look at these two ways and see if we find ourselves in either unhealthy pattern.

The Perfect Past

“If things could just be like they used to be!”

How often I have heard this expression of a deep longing in someone’s heart!  Things have changed and we just want to go back to the way things used to be.

We long to turn back the hands of time. We wish we could wave a magic wand over our lives and restore things to the way they used to be. Although it is legitimate to grieve when we have experienced loss and it is right to be thankful for a wonderful event or season, may I suggest that the answer is not in going back?

I believe that with God, there is always an element of “the best is yet to come”.
Scripture speaks of how we are changed from “glory to glory”. No matter how glorious the past might have been for some of you, there is always another level of glory possible with God.   

Living in “the perfect past” prevents us from seeing what God is doing or longs to do in our imperfect present. Truthfully, we learn and grow more in the difficult, imperfect seasons. We lean more fully into the strength of God. We depend more on His salvation, His grace. We humans like to be self-sufficient as opposed to leaning on God.

Lot’s wife (Gen. 19) disobeyed God and looked back on what God was asking her to leave. The children of Israel found themselves idealizing the days when they were in Egyptian bondage and longing to go back. Many in the days of the early church wanted to keep looking back to the days of the Law. And we find that the familiar and known can keep us from the purposes of God in the  present day and the unknown future.

If you find yourself holding on to your perfect or idealized past, God is whispering to you that there is more for you today, there is more for your future, there is more, more, more, if you will release your hold on the past and open your hands and your heart to today and the future.

The Imperfect Past

Another challenge for us is the temptation to refuse to leave the past because we are stuck in patterns of unforgiveness, unhealedness, and frankly, we feel unwilling or unable to release the past. The past is our focus.

It’s not easy to forgive. The very definition of the word indicates that we have been wronged. It’s not easy to find healing for our hearts at times. But somehow we must find our hunger for healing and our faith in the God of our future to be a greater drive than our need to hold unforgiveness. We can’t do both well. We can’t hold our wounds, our offenses, our “rights” to our pain with both hands, and reach forward to our future at the same time. 

Again, my last post outlined when and why we must spend time, effort, and energy looking at our past, but there comes a time when we must release our imperfect past and move forward with God’s grace.

The Gift of Today

God is present in the now to meet your needs. He is present to change your heart. He is present to give you grace. Scripture tells us that He is a very PRESENT help. God’s mercies are new every morning. Every new day is a gift of hope and possibility. We are challenged in the Word to hear God’s voice TODAY.

The very essence of hope tells us that the best is yet to come. If you have lost that hope, know that even now as I am writing, I am praying for you that your hope be restored. Don’t stay stuck in the past. The beautiful gift of today is yours. If you need help, please reach out to a trusted friend, counselor, or spiritual leader.

The answer is never in your past, although certainly there is much to learn from our past, the answer is in today in the very present God who is in this moment with us all.  So whether you find yourself longing for that seemingly perfect past or stuck like glue to your imperfect past, God is present in the now to do more than you could ever hope for.

Ephesians 3: 20 tells us that God is able to do “far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think.” He wants to meet you in your today and take you into your tomorrow with hope and healing.

Can you open your hands and your heart to receive the gift of today?

This week, I was meditating on two of the seemingly contradictory ways of God.  In the next few days, I want to explore these two thoughts:

1.    You must go back.
2.    You can never go back.

Huh? Sounds confusing? I hope you are intrigued sufficiently to continue reading for both statements are true and I am not being ambivalent.  There are times in life when you must absolutely go back. You must go back, as it were, in your mind, your emotions, your relationships, to moments of the past and experience the moments again. There are some very important reasons for us to go back.  And in other ways, we must never go back and in fact, cannot do so, but that is for another day this week.

We are the sum total of our life story. Often we are not really happy about that. We all wish we could erase or at least, rewrite, pages, even entire chapters, of our story. I personally love the undo key on my computer. If only life were so simple! Surely it would be better if we could just get rid of the painful parts of our story! Yet with God, there is a sense in which we become better, stronger, more complete, because of those very parts of our story.

You might say, “How can I embrace the darkest days of my life? How can I accept the darkest parts of my story?” I can only share what I have experienced.
My life story has had many pages, even chapters, of failure, pain, and disappointment. For most of my life, I’ve done my “dead level best” to avoid thinking of those days. I tried my best to forget the painful chapters. Many times I’ve ripped up a photo if it made me think of something painful as if ripping it up would make its reality disappear.  I learned to be quite an avoider of painful memories.  Then my life fell, what appeared at the time to be, completely apart. Humpty Dumpty, who had a great fall, looked to be in great shape afterwards compared to me. But enter the mystery of God…

I’ve found that God’s deepest work in me often happens during days of my personal suffering. Certainly as Christ suffered on the cross, the greatest work of God was happening in and through the suffering. Suffering changes the human heart. It can transform us into strong, beautiful people who can walk in the contradictions of God’s ways or it can turn us into weak, bitter people who shake their fist at God and anyone else who would get too close to our wounds.

When I found myself in deep brokenness, I could no longer keep my painful memories stuffed inside their deep grave. They sprang forward for they were not dead and I found myself face to face, for the first time, with my story. Like a jack-in-a box, I tried to stuff the story back in but to no avail. Initially, I could only barely stand to take a quick peek at the previous chapters of my life, but I have learned to allow my heart to re-experience my story.

And  I found this amazing mystery. It is my story that equips me. It is my story that connects me to humanity. It is my story that offers hope to others. It is my story that makes me accessible, approachable.

So today, I want to encourage you to go back. When the things of your past are still controlling who you are in the present, go back. When the things of your past are still influencing you in unhealthy ways, go back for you must go back in order to go forward. Here are some of the reasons you should go back:

1.    To find healing. If a memory is still painful to see, to think about, to reflect upon, perhaps you need another level of healing in that place. God is not confined to time as we are. He can transport you, as it were, to those places where He longs to meet you to bring healing to you.

2.    To gain understanding and perspective. When we are able to view our story with Christ, we can often find that it was not exactly what we had believed. Lies can be dismantled.

3.    To find God. Going back can allow us to discover where God was in our story.

4.    To grieve loss. If we haven’t truly grieved over a loss in our life, then we need to go back and experience that. God’s Word says there is a time to mourn.

5.    To break the power of shame, guilt, and pain. Allowing the power of the cross to wash away the power of shame, guilt, and pain can bring deep healing to our souls.

6.    To find compassion for your own heart. Many of you need to ask God to show you how to have compassion on your own heart. Self-hatred is a tool of the enemy.

7.    To find the common themes of your story. These can help you find your purpose in life.

8.    To find hope for the future.

9.    To discover keys to helping others.

So today, I want to say, “You must go back!”  If part of your story is buried alive, if you have ignored, denied, or avoided your story, it’s time to go back. Redemptively.  Just as William Paul Young describes how Mack in The Shack has to go back to a painful time in his life to find restoration and healing, we must do the same. The beauty of going back is the mystery of how the going back becomes the key to going forward.

Perhaps your “going back” should be done in the presence of a spiritual director, a counselor, or a very trusted friend. Certainly, it should always be done with the leading of God’s Spirit for he is THE COUNSELOR. He knows when and how we should address our past. Our part is to cooperate with his work when he is leading us in the paths of redemption. Nothing is wasted with God.  As Richard Rohr says, “In God’s reign, “everything belongs,” even the broken and poor parts.”

May God’s grace lead you in paths of healing as you continue to learn more about His mysterious ways.