Trauma.

We might define it as an event outside the range of normal human experience which has the potential to cause long-lasting effects.

Such an ‘event’ was April 27, 2011, when my home state of Alabama was hit unrelentingly by a series of tornadoes.  It was the worst deadly tornado outbreak in U.S. history affecting seven southern states leaving at least 350 people dead and some still uncounted for.

Damage estimates are upwards of 5 billion dollars. More than 20,000 homes lost in Alabama alone. The American Red Cross rates such disasters on a scale of 1-6, with 6 being the worst. They have rated the devastation in Alabama at a 6 and are considering making a new category, a 7, to describe what has happened here.

What can we do when others’ lives are affected by such traumatic experiences, whether they are natural disasters, accidental disasters, intentional disasters, or events such as war, kidnapping, the suicide or homicide of a loved one, sexual or spousal abuse? 

The following is an incomplete list of thoughts and not listed necessarily in the order of importance. I am not including prayer because I will assume that you all know prayer is appropriate and important.

1. Provide tangible care.

I am often reminded of the story of the little boy who was crying in bed during a major thunder storm. His mother came into the room and began to comfort him. In doing so, she reminded the little boy that "Jesus was with him always and he didn’t need to be afraid." In responding, the boy looked up at his mother and said "Yes, Mom, but I need Jesus with skin on."

There are times when we all need Jesus with skin on, and times when we must be Jesus with skin on to others.

Thousands of people across the U.S. have come to our area to work alongside Alabamians to provide tangible care for the hurting,becoming expressions of Jesus with skin on. The response has been overwhelming. Local agencies have had to ask people to stop bringing certain supplies. Churches everywhere are helping and working together and with relief agencies. It is a glorious hour for the body of Christ; she is shining in Alabama.

I’ll never forget how I felt after being out-of-state for two weeks for a marriage intensive when my heart was in so much pain, and I came home to find that a handful of strong, beautiful women had done everything within their power to tangibly let me know they cared. They had cleaned my house, redecorated rooms, given of their own time, money, and resources to say, “Feel the love.” They gave me chocolates and flowers. They gave of themselves – tangibly (http://mikkiblogs.com/feel-the-love/).

2. Listen. 

We often rush to give people answers when what they really need is just for us to listen. Listening, while resisting the need to give answers, excuse God or others, preach or correct, can sometimes be the very best help.

Haven’t we all felt offended when we were pouring out our heart to someone because we needed a listening ear and they kept trying to fix the situation or provide pat answers or religious jargon?

We don’t always have to have answers.

The truth is that we often do not have the answer.

We can trust the One who does. Those answers are often held in the mysteries of God and to rush into someone’s pain and try to fix it too quickly can feel invalidating of the level of pain they are feeling. It is appropriate to allow people to struggle through their crisis while providing love and support. In the struggle, they can find authentic answers or the grace to live in the mystery. If they are not allowed to enter this struggle, they may later quickly abandon the cookie cutter answers we have provided them.

3. Be present.

Being present is another tangible way to show you care.

So many times, followers of Christ feel inadequate because they don’t know what to say. When I think back to the time when my brother was killed in a car accident, I can’t remember most of what was said to me, but I do remember many of the ones who made an effort to just be there for me. And referring back to point number one, I remember the women who cleaned my house and brought food and a dear lady who sorted the socks in my sock basket!

I remember how inadequate most of my community of faith felt when a dear sister lost two daughters and one of their friends in a car accident where they were burned alive. It was the greatest of horrors. I just held my friend in my arms and we both cried. It was not appropriate for me to try to give her answers on that day. She just needed the gift of my presence and my physical touch.

The book of Job recounts the story of Job’s long series of traumatic events. He had some friends show up to check on him:

Job 2:12 And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven. 13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

Although Job’s friends did not get it right later, they did get it right when they sat with him for seven days without speaking a word. Such a response validated the greatness of his pain. There were no words.

4. Cry with them.

If you feel like crying with those who are hurting, do so! You don’t have always have to be strong for people.  Authentic crying over someone else’s story says you identify with their pain.

5. Be there for the long haul when you can.

Many times after the initial crisis is over, we forget to provide care or we are uncomfortable with others’ long term pain, and yet people are still hurting. Cards, calls, and other tangible expressions are still needed and helpful. 

Is there a way today that you can provide tangible care to someone who is hurting?

We can’t meet every need, but we can meet some. Will you ask God to show you what you can do?

Perhaps you are the hurting one. If so, I am praying that you will receive the tangible care of another.

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The verse was Isaiah 30:15 which states “For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved: In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.’ But you would not.”

In the historical context, Israel was being invited into a place of rest with God where she would allow God to do what she could not do. She was being invited to access God’s help without going back to her slavery mentality. She was being challenged to lean upon God and not look to any other source for her help.

Isn’t it easy to look at such Bible passages and clearly see how a nation or an individual made huge mistakes? As we say, hindsight is 20/20.

Much more difficult is for us as individual believers to ‘get it right’ when we are faced with challenging circumstances. Our emotions rage and our minds whirl.

God offered me, and I believe He offered my church body, a specific invitation on that particular day. Some accepted the invitation at the moment. Some never even realized there was an invitation issued, and most of us passed for a day or two along the way and flunked many other days.

In truth, we were just like Israel, tempted to provide our own escape routes and reject God’s path for our great need.

When we walk through stormy seasons, everything within us that is unlike God, comes screaming forth. How can we possibly trust God during such days? It goes against everything in our flesh, our world system, and our woundedness. And then there is the element of spiritual warfare which we say we believe in but often fail to recognize until it is too late.

The sadness in God’s message is tangible when He says, “But you would not.” Other versions say, “You were not willing.”

I think of Jesus weeping over Jerusalem with deep grief and crying out, “How often I wanted to gather you to myself and you would not.”

How desperately we all need to be able to live in this place of rest! This rest allows us to access divine resources.

One of the most successful evangelists of the nineteenth century said,
"I used to think I had to do it and the result was great physical strain and exhaustion; but now I feel He has to do it through me: the responsibility His; the message His; the strength His."

The words of Jesus recorded in Matthew 11 give us the same invitation,
"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.” (verse 29)

Do you need rest in your soul? The wonderful news is that you cannot manufacture such rest, but God will give it to you.

There is a strength that comes from returning to God’s heart and resting in His love and ability. There is strength in quieting our souls and resting confidently in our Father.

You don’t have to work for it; you simply must receive it and lean upon Jesus for the continual flow.

You’ll know when you’ve connected to this heavenly flow. “Peace that passes understanding” will flood your heart. Peace that doesn’t always connect with our intellectual understanding will fill your being. A deep inner knowing that God Himself will be your refuge, your very present help in your times of trouble will abide within your heart.

This rest comes from knowing God’s heart for us, knowing His love for us as His little children for if we can rest in God’s heart, then we can confidently know that He is still on His throne and He is concerned about us and our lives and that He is moving on our behalf even when we can’t see it or feel it. Our faith provides an inner knowing that God can be trusted.

It is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do for us as humans. We’d much prefer to provide our own strength and ideas for overcoming, yet God resists this type of pride. It’s only in our utter dependence upon God that we find rest for our souls.

Would you be willing to ask God to give you that rest today?

Simply open your heart and ask.

May it not be said of us that “we would not.”

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To live is to risk, and it’s been that way since day one. God put Adam and Eve in the Garden and gave them a choice. Religion often finds this uncomfortable at best and unacceptable at worst. Oh, no religious system would declare openly that God was wrong, but their practices and rules say that they disagree with God on this matter.

Herein lies one of the differences of religion and spirituality. As I explore God and others and my own life through spirituality, I can risk. I can expand my boundaries. I can look at you and draw the good out of you and your life, apply it to my own, and still not totally agree with everything you are and everything you believe.

Religion, on the other hand, says, “You must be just like me.” Religion narrows our focus and our ability to take a risk.

I know a few of you are already ready to throw rocks at me, but stay with me for a minute or two. Take a risk.

We as Christian say that we place the ultimate value on freedom, yet freedom often makes us very uncomfortable. If we allow people in our churches to be free, they might do something or say something or believe something that is WRONG, something that makes us look bad, something that stains our reputations. Duh, that happens anyway!

Yet if we as communities of faith and as individual families can bless people to take risks, we have become more like God. Back to the Garden. He gave Adam and Eve a choice.

When I say that we should encourage others to take risks, I am not saying that we encourage others to try out all kinds of sin, not at all. I am saying that in order for true freedom to exist in our families and communities of faith, we must release control.

I find that controlling behaviors and beliefs are very closely tied to fear. If I can control how you act and what you think, then I may feel safe. I know you will be just like me, and I like me! May I challenge you that that is not true safety and it certainly is not true freedom!

God gave us choices. Yes, the choices carry consequences, but God was not afraid to allow mankind the ability to choose incorrectly. He was committed to helping mankind through his wrong choices.

Look at Jesus choice of his 12 disciples. He never tried to control them. He chose a crowd of men so varied in their backgrounds and personalities. Jesus was not interested in having a cookie cutter crowd around him. He was safe with their freedom. He was not afraid to risk being involved with mankind and all the messes that thought would entail.

Now hear me correctly. I am not saying that there is no right and wrong. I am not saying that sin is okay. I am not saying that there are no theological boundaries. I am saying that risk-taking is okay with God, and therefore should be okay with us.

We should be able to take the risk to try a new job. We should be able to take the risk to read an author who is not just like us. We should be able to glean from a true variety of friends, knowing that every human has a gift inside them.

In the church world, we have often hid behind our lists of rules and required everyone to be just like us if they are to be “okay”. That makes us feel safe, but I find that God is not super interested in the kind of safe feeling that comes from limiting humanity’s ability to take risks. He does care greatly that we are safe in all the appropriate ways, such as physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.

It was kind of funny to me that I was thinking of writing this blog. I had ran across this quote on another blog that so provoked me. I felt that it described a lot of my process in the last couple of years. I thought, “I’ll Google the author of the quote just to find out who they are.” Oops. I found out that the author might not be someone who I would recommend to my readers carte blanche. How humorous that God would speak to me through someone who doesn’t fit into my spiritual box! Voila! That’s the point. We can receive truth because it is the truth even if the source is different than we are.

So I am challenged. Do I share the quote with you and risk you reading something else the author had written that might not build you up? I am going to take the risk. I am going to believe in you all as unique creations of God who have the ability to make wise choices.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

You see, this is the point God brings us to. One day it gets so painful to stay where you are, that we either have to take a risk or die emotionally. God invites the crisis. The process involves faith. Dare we trust a God who gives us such freedom?

God doesn’t force us to do anything. He doesn’t enslave us. He invites us to the more perfect way, the way of love. God’s love allows us to choose. We can choose Him, or we can refuse Him. It’s up to us. Yet when our hearts are longing to serve Him, He provides the grace for us to choose correctly.

How do you relate to God and to others?

Do you approach your relationships in fear?

Do you feel God is going to zap you if you get it wrong?

Let me share a revelation with you: you will get it wrong, probably more days than not. God works through the process. He is committed to you. He teaches you.

Anything that I believe that has not been truly learned experientially is subject to fall apart when tested and tried. Anything that has become a part of who I am because I have walked it out and lived it, is not so subject to fall apart.

For example, my faith cannot be your faith. You can follow me and learn from me, but at some point, your faith has to become your own as you take the risk of opening your heart and life to blossom.

I teach my children about my beliefs and my faith, but one day, and hopefully it is happening bit by bit along the way, one day they must exercise their own faith and learn that God is their God. They must develop personal faith because my faith, although a good foundation, cannot sustain them when they personally go through trials in their adult life. Well, perhaps more on this later, but let’s end with some questions.

· Is your relationship with God based on fear? (I am not saying respect which is different.)

· Are you constantly afraid that you will do the wrong thing?

· Are you afraid of missing God even though your heart’s desire is to serve Him? God wants you to know that He will guide you. He is bigger than you. He can orchestrate everything in your life for your benefit and His blessing. Don’t be afraid to take the risks that you feel He is leading you to take.

· Is your family system based on fear?

· Do you feel you must control your husband? Your wife?Do you try to control your kids? (again, not talking about throwing out common sense but I am talking about teaching your kids to truly live.)

· Is your community of faith a fear-based community?

· Does it allow you to try your wings?

· Does it encourage creativity?

· Does it allow you to disagree or does it demand that everything about you be just like everything about the leaders?

Today, I am encouraging you to dream, to think, to risk. Refuse to live from a mindset of fear. Oh, you will make some mistakes, but God will teach you as you go.

Blossom. It’s a beautiful world when you open yourself up for the view.

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