Mikki's Blog - Living in the Grace and Love of God » Desire

How God Speaks to Us Through Our Emotions

Mikki — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:14:02 +0000

What emotions are you feeling right now? Can you name what is happening inside your inner world? Could God be speaking to you through your emotions?

Are you annoyed, ashamed, confused, hurt, depressed, jealous, anxious, fearful, stressed, angry, or sad?

While it may sound like a simple task to name what emotions you are experiencing, I haven’t always been able to do that and I’ve found in my work as a therapist, that many, many folks are not able to accurately name what is happening inside them.

One part of my journey during the last few years has been getting connected to my true heart and my emotional life.

I vividly remember taking an Anger Inventory at a ladies’ retreat a few years ago. I had organized the event for our church ladies’ group. A therapist friend of mine, Susi Harbour, administered a personality test and an anger inventory to our entire group, including the other speakers I had invited. I remember being shocked at the results of both my test and the tests of the other leaders who were seated around my table. My score indicated that I was rarely angry; it was actually more like a non-existent score. I’ve since told my friend, Susi, that she should have pulled me aside at that point and scheduled an intervention immediately! You see, what that screams to me now is that I was out of touch with my heart, unable to express my anger, and needed to learn new skills for handling intense emotions.

The other women at my table were, well, fireballs at times! Their intense emotions were strange to me. Could it be acceptable to feel such a range of emotions? Was it godly?

Within six months, my husband and I were in the middle of a terrible crisis and I found myself struggling to survive emotionally. Time and time again, I answered our counselor with a resounding, “No”, as he quizzed me as to whether or not I had shared my feelings about certain situations with my husband.

A long, long season of examination and growth have taught me that there were, in fact, lots of intense emotions in my heart, but I didn’t have a clue how to share them or feel safe with their intensity. And while that may be foreign to some of you, I had grown up in a home where avoidance and denial were our ways of relating. That does not mean that we didn’t have love, we did. You see, we should value the positive things in our lives, and yet move to change the negative.

Is it okay to be angry? Are we sinning when we are angry?

Scripture clearly answers such questions. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are shown to have intense emotions, including anger. Certainly, the Godhead is holy, and experiences anger. But can we?

We have guidelines in the Word about how and how not to express our intense emotions, including anger. I’ve learned that anger usually comes from hurt or fear, and therefore must be attended to.

God gives us emotions as signals. These signals can tell us when our boundaries have been violated, when we have sinned and failed to repent, when we are living out of balance, when we are ignoring our physical health, spiritual health, mental or emotional health, and so much more.

So it stands to reason that if we are unable to properly name what is happening in our hearts, then we are not living from our truest heart.

Looking back, I can remember feelings of frustration, irritation, anger, fear, and more, and yet I couldn’t really name those feelings. You see, if I had attended to my feelings, I could have heeded the signals God was giving me. It might have changed nothing, but I would have been healthier emotionally. When my world fell apart, I eventually become severely depressed. Still unable to name or express my anger, loss, or grief, I turned it all on myself.

It’s been a long journey of learning new ways to relate and communicate and unlearning old dysfunctional ways.

I remember one day a year or so ago that I felt so angry at my husband. I went to him and spilled it all with intensity. When I stopped speaking, he smiled and clapped his hands and told me how proud he was of me for owning my feelings and sharing my true heart. We both laughed and enjoyed the moment that pictured how we both had grown.

Can we be led by our emotions in wrong ways? Certainly! Just as I had capped off and denied a lot of my emotions, others spew theirs in irresponsible ways and are led astray by their emotions. Either is unhealthy.

My journey has led me to live in more peace, more rest, and joy. No longer denying my emotions, I’ve connected to a more passionate life, both in my relationship with God and others. Passion and desire are God-given, and when used in healthy ways, allow us to live-fully here on the earth. There is only one word for desire in the New Testament. It can be positive or negative. It can lead us to truth and purpose-filled living or it can lead us to a life of sin.

I now regularly notice what my emotions are saying. When I feel disturbed, I stop and ask God what has happened. I can usually retrace my day back to a moment when I ignored my heart or spoke wrongfully or violated my healthy boundaries. In other words, I use my emotions as signals to tell me what is going on in my heart.

What are your emotions telling you today? Are you connected to God’s life-giving flow? Are you listening to how he may be speaking to you through your emotions?

Our life journey should include becoming increasingly emotionally healthy. After all, God made us body, soul, and spirit; our emotions are a part of our on-board equipment that God has given us all. Through a life in the Word, led by the Spirit, and connected to Christian community, our emotions can become powerful indicators so pursue living from the truest place in your heart! God is speaking!

How God Speaks to Us Through Our Emotions

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The Power of Awakened Desire

Mikki — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:07:13 +0000

What do you think of when you think of the word “desire”?

Desire carries the connotation of something strong. Whether it is desire for that last piece of chocolate cake or desire for a person or desire for a position, desire is not a benign idea. It is intrinsically powerful.

We have all experienced having desire awakened. Some of those desires are unhealthy, but there is also a very positive sense in which we can have desire awakened. In fact, Jesus was quite aware of the power of awakened desire.

Awakened desire can connect us to purpose. When Jesus called Simon Peter and Andrew to be his disciples, he awakened a desire within them. He began with something they understood, fishing, and moved on to awaken a desire within them to be a part of something life-changing, eternal in nature, and challenged them to become fishers of men.

Awakened desire can show us our needs. When Jesus taught, “Come to me, all who are burdened and tired and I’ll give you rest, his invitation corresponded with a true need in the hearts of the people and in our hearts today. Jesus awakened desire by the very nature of his ministry. He ministered healing and freedom, and hearts cried out from a place of desire to receive from him.

Awakened desire can show us the presence of Jesus. When he encountered two of his disciples after his resurrection, he walked and talked with them. Later they said, “Our hearts burned within us while he talked with us and opened the Scriptures to us!” He had awakened their desire by his very presence and dialogue with them.

As I look back on my own life, I can identify times when desire was awakened in my heart. And it seems to me, that when we find ourselves with a deep hunger, an inner desire, God is issuing an invitation to us. Whether those desires are godly or ungodly, healthy or unhealthy, God is willing to speak to us in and through the awakened desire. He longs to show us his heart for us and keep us from making wrong decisions which will hurt us and lead us into greater wholeness.

His voice always calls us to deeper places, deeper waters, uncharted territories. When we find ourselves struggling with an ungodly desire, Jesus calls to our innermost being and invites us to freedom. He invites us to discovery. He invites us to understanding. He offers us keys to find peace and purpose.

Often desperation awakens desire as God brings us to the end of our own plans and we find ourselves broken and empty.

Too often I have taken the wrong turn when I stood at the crossroads of life-giving desires and desires that lead to death. I am learning that when I find myself at those crossroads , I should make time for deep communion with God. I am finding that simply asking God to show me what is driving my desires can be a good place of beginning to make right choices. Am I seeking acceptance, affirmation, comfort? Am I being willing to shortcut God’s purposes in order to quiet the voice of desire in my heart?

Our eyes are often blinded to the true purpose of the awakened desire. We are so easily deceived. Somehow the enemy of our souls convinces us that an illegitimate way of fulfilling our desires is the best path and at the end of the path, we find ourselves emptier than ever, broken from the wrong choices we have made when all the while, Jesus was issuing an invitation to life through our desires.

Awakened desire has the power to unlock the purposes of God in our life stories. Awakened desire has the power to lead us to rest, to freedom, to purposeful living.

The experience of having desire awakened can birth a Eureka moment for us, a moment when we can finally put our hands on what has been intangible before, an epiphany of sorts.

So if you find yourself in the place of awakened desire, you are at a crossroads. The road can lead you into danger, or the road can lead you into delight.

Pause and reflect on the following:

How was this desire awakened?
Why was this desire awakened?
What does this desire say about my heart and its needs?
What could the purposes of God be for me as I face awakened desire?
What could the purposes of the enemy be as I face awakened desire?

I pray you will be able to see clearly what God desires to do through your awakened desires and the end result will be that you know more of your own heart and more of His.

The Power of Awakened Desire

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The Power of Desire

Mikki — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:32:12 +0000

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Mankind was designed to live with a heart full of hope. It began in the Garden.
Adam, walking in wholeness and obedience, named the animals. Yet as he named each one, something unsettling began in his heart. In fact, maybe we could say God was setting him up. As he named each animal, this unanswered desire arose in his heart.

“None of these animals are like me!”

With each step, this powerful desire grew. A true need arose within Adam. He needed someone like him. Someone to walk alongside him as he fulfilled his destiny. He needed a woman. He needed Eve.

And God provided for Adam’s desire and the provision became a “tree of life” for Adam. Oh, you might say that that could not be true because Eve was tempted, fell, and led Adam away from a path of life, but yet, she did become a tree of life. Through her body would be birthed the Tree of Life for all of us.

How often mankind struggles with desire! We try to kill desire, avoid desire, train desire, anything but understand our desire. Perhaps a different way of looking at desire could be profitable for us.

Could we ask the following question of the desires we find in our hearts?

What is the legitimate godly expression of this desire?

Desire is a powerful force. One that can birth invention, fulfillment of dreams, and new relationships.

Or it can birth ungodly dreams, broken or wrong relationships, and paths of destruction.
In The World, The Flesh, and Father Bruce Smith (1945) said that ". . .the young man who rings the bell at the brothel is unconsciously looking for God." What did he mean?

On my recent trip to Thailand, I looked into the eyes of a sea of prostitutes. Their primary desire was provision. Impoverished and unskilled, these young women and ladyboys were seeking to fulfill this desire by ungodly means. It was not the desire that was wrong; it was the path they chose to fulfill the desire.

Thomas Aquinas said, "Every sinful behavior is rooted in a legitimate godly appetite."

The drug addict taking one more pill or shooting some substance in his veins is looking to fulfill desire. He wants to feel good. Or perhaps he is looking to bury his pain, forget it for a few hours. He is seeking to fulfill desire in an illegitimate way.
Those poor enslaved people, right?

What about your desires? How are you seeking to fill them? And what about my desires? How am I seeking to fill them?

Huh, you might think, "What’cha talkin’ ‘bout, Mikki?”

What are the illegitimate ways that we seek to fulfill desire?

Some use food to bury desire. Some use shopping. Others use fantasy. And then there are those who use work to bury their heart. Or they plan just one more trip. Some exercise away the voice of desire within them.

But you might say, “Those things are not the same as using sex or drugs or alcohol!” Right? Well, maybe not.

You see, desire is to bring forth a “tree of life” for us. A tree has roots that grow deeper and deeper with time. Roots that anchor the tree during storms.

When we allow God to fill our legitimate desires through godly means, the desire is a tree of life.

When we seek to fulfill our legitimate desires through ungodly means, the desire is a tree of death, drinking its sustenance from a river of unrighteousness and yielding unrighteous fruit.

Today I am suggesting we quiet the voices that beg for our immediate attention, pause and spend some time with God, asking Him to show us what our desires truly are, and asking Him to uproot any ungodly expressions or means we are using to try to fill those desires.

Maybe you could give up your romance novel and try romancing your husband. Maybe you need to give up working on that perfect yard for an hour or two and try working on an important relationship. Perhaps you need to give up your internet obsession or your need to be constantly “connected” to the world through email, twitter, facebook, etc., and get a real connection with God or someone else.

This blog is not intended to condemn you or me – that is not a tree of life! But it is intended to challenge us to lay our desires before God and ask for His wisdom and insight, His discernment.

How can we use our desires in righteous ways? How can our desires lead us to fulfill God’s desires for us and for His world?

Proverbs 4:12 tells us to guard our heart because out of it flow all the issues of our life. In a way, checking up on the legitimacy of our desires is a way to guard our hearts. It is a safeguard to help us redirect when necessary.

How important is it for us to learn that when our desires are unmet, when we are living in a place called “Hope Deferred”, we must take care how we navigate the season for the enemy will come, and our own flesh will rise up to declare – or perhaps even just to whisper in our ears – “You deserve to have that desire met!” Reminds me of two people in a Garden who sought to fulfill a legitimate desire in a forbidden way.

But God! Yes, God was able to redeem their wrong choices. Yes, they still experienced pain. And disappointment. And physical death. But God offered a tree of life to redeem them.

He still offers that Tree today. His name is Jesus. He can redeem your wrong choices, and He will birth righteous desires in your heart.

Are your desires being expressed through a tree of life or a tree of death?

What might your life look like six months from now if you were willing to lay your desires at God’s feet and submit to allowing them to be filled in God’s way?

What breakthrough might you experience in the days to come if you really connected to your true heart and discovered the legitimate godly desire underneath your sinful behavior?

How would your life be different if you committed to allowing God to change your illegitimate desires into legitimate ones?

The choice is yours. The power needed is God’s and is always available for us as we learn to live our lives fully alive to the glory of God.

The Power of Desire

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