Mikki's Blog - Living in the Grace and Love of God » God’s Plans

Finding Faith to Go On

Mikki — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 13:34:13 +0000

When you find yourself with your hopes and dreams lying in a million pieces around your feet, can you find the faith to go on? I found myself in that place about three and a half years ago. Every time I reference the story, I count the years, months, and days since the dam broke and my life was flooded with the violent waters of trouble. There seems to be some kind of solace in making that time further and further away from today. But in another way, my life will always be referenced from that point.

I don’t say that to be overly dramatic. In a short time period, I found my marriage on the rocks, I lost my job, seemed to lose my ministry, lost many friends who found themselves taking sides, caught in a whirlwind of gossip, and I found myself scrambling to survive emotionally and spiritually.

And yet I did. I survived. And really more than that. I thrived. Eventually. My marriage is healthier than ever. I’ve found a new job and a deeply meaningful ministry. I have wonderful friends and much healing and restoration have happened.

It certainly didn’t happen on day one or two or three or thirty or one-hundred but it did happen. And while the bottom line is that God sustained me, there were choices I had to make along the way. Hard choices. Difficult choices.

The first few months seemed to be a free fall. I identified with Job who lamented about his feelings about God:

12 I was at ease, but He has shattered me;

He also has taken me by my neck, and shaken me to pieces;

He has set me up for His target,

13 His archers surround me.

He pierces my heart and does not pity;

He pours out my gall on the ground.

14 He breaks me with wound upon wound;

He runs at me like a warrior. Job 16:12-14.

When the dust finally settled, I was left to face my reality. With the writer of Hebrews (12:27), I faced what remained. “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain.

And I dared to believe. Again. Not every day, but some days I began to hope. Somehow God could make something out of the rubble. Purpose could be born in adversity. Eventually, I began to radiate with the quest. I put one foot in front of the other. Again and again. I began to see what God was getting at in me. And it’s always about that. No matter what comes our way, God is there to birth insight and wholeness and purpose in us individually.

The violent shaking of my life opened me in such deep ways that suddenly I could see things I couldn’t see before. I was faced with my own deep brokenness. And I could choose. Would I miss the opportunity to face truth and use all my energy pointing my fingers at others? There were many days I did just that.

Yet I found myself in a dance with God. He invited me to dance with Him. I joined His hands. Then I moved away. Then I took His hands. Then I released them. Over and over, this ambivalent dance continued. At times, I still resist His leading and yet I’ve found the most outrageous truth, one I’ve long taught and believed but I began to experience the living reality of it in a deeper way. God can make something good out of something bad.

And perhaps, is that the essence of faith? God is on the throne. He is good. He is involved. He does care even when we can’t see His handiwork. Even when we can’t feel His presence, He is there.

As I write these words, I am keenly aware that some of you are in those difficult places. You are struggling to survive. You feel abandoned by God and by others. While I wish I could rescue you from that place, I know that it is a place where your foundations can be strengthened. Your life purpose can become clearer. You can find healing and wholeness. I have prayed for you at this moment.

Will you dare to look inside your own heart? What’s there that needs healing? What needs throwing out? What needs changing?

Jesus told us that we would have trouble in this world but then he assured us that we could have hope and courage because he had overcome the world. This promise means that even when life is tough, we can access the power to overcome. It may be three steps forward and two steps back, but it is our ordained journey. It is the way we change from glory to glory into his image.

Although your faith may be being tested, I believe in you and the God in you. Although you may be being shaken, there will be a foundation that remains and God will build something true and good on that foundation.

Perhaps you could pray, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” The God who hears and answers prayers is listening and is actively involved on your behalf. "Times New Roman";color:black;background:white">

"Times New Roman";color:black;background:white">

Finding Faith to Go On

Enjoy this post? Share it with your friends by clicking the Facebook LIKE button..

Powered By Facebook Like Post Plugin

Are You Sick and Tired of Waiting?

Mikki — Tue, 24 May 2011 13:14:15 +0000

“If one more person looks at me and says, ‘Have you not had that baby yet?’, I am going to scream! I mean, does it look like I’ve had this baby yet?” My well-meaning church family didn’t know that I was, well, umm, emotionally and physically depleted. In the South we might call that being “As ill as a hornet.”

Not one of my better moments, for sure, but nonetheless, I had had it! Forty-two weeks pregnant by all accounts, I had begged my doctor to let me deliver naturally and not be induced. I was down to the wire in all regards. My doctor had said, “I can only let you wait another day or two.” My family was certainly ready for me to deliver, if you know what I mean. And I myself was sick and tired of being pregnant.

Having been induced during my first two deliveries due to medical conditions and the fact that I just like to carry babies in my womb an inordinate amount of time, I was determined to go into labor on my own. I’m not sure if I felt this would make me more of a real woman or what. However, Elliott, my third-born who is graduating high school this Friday night, was not in a hurry to arrive.

Then it happened. 2:20 a.m. November 23, 1992. I awakened. Hmm, I wondered. Could that little feeling be my water breaking? I got up having heard that if your water breaks, things will begin to progress and you’ll know for sure.

Everyone else in the house was still asleep. I decided to get a shower just in case. Then it hit me. A real labor pain. And then another. And then another. Every five minutes like clockwork they came.

I awakened my husband. We lived an hour from the hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, where my doctor delivered babies, and we had two children at home who needed to be awakened and dropped off at a friend’s home.

I began to put on my makeup for there were sure to be lots of photos taken. I started with this mint-green primer to cover up the redness. Nothing like a broken-out face to add to one’s self-confidence during pregnancy.

However, at that point, the pain was so intense that I abandoned the beautification process.

We threw the kids into the car, delivered them to our friends, and took off. About twenty minutes into the journey, I begged my husband to stop at a different hospital that we were to pass enroute to Memphis. “No”, he said, “My baby is not being born at that hospital." (Long story). I replied, “Well, then, your baby is going to be born on the side of the road because I am not going to make it to Memphis.”

He increased his speed.

Forty minutes after we arrived at the hospital, Elliott was born with peeling skin from being ‘postmature’ and more evidence that he had stayed in the cocoon as long as possible. The photos were made. My mint-green face smiled.

And let me just say, natural childbirth is not all it’s cracked up to be.

So often we have the same feelings in the spiritual realm that a pregnant woman has in the natural.

Impatience. Frustration. Tiredness. Misery. And joyful anticipation.

Romans 8:18 describes it this way: For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Romans 8 goes on to speak of how creation itself is waiting, groaning, yearning, and experiencing birth pangs and of how we ourselves are groaning, waiting for delivery.

The Message offers this rendition of Romans 8:22-28:

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. color:black">

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. color:black">

Most of us hate being enlarged. Stretched. Challenged. Taken out of our comfort zones. color:black">

We resist the process. We complain. We gripe. color:black">

“Why, oh, why?” color:black">

“When, oh, when?” color:black">

I suppose the answer to those questions is that there are more things being formed within us that are just not full-term yet. We are not being diminished and God does care. His Spirit intercedes for us. He is working it all together for our good. color:black">

Yet, it’s hard to believe at times. It tries our faith and our patience. And yet God is still in control. Stretching. Enlarging. He doesn’t run away from His involvement in our process. He knows that the end result will be the birthing of something beautiful in us and through us. color:black">

One day, you will watch your dream taking flight just as I experienced Elliott’s birth and now his graduation this week. color:black">

Suffering can lead to glory so hang in there! God is always doing more in the hidden places than we can see. Ask Him for the grace to wait and the inner knowing that there will be a joyful delivery in His own timing. color:black">

Are You Sick and Tired of Waiting?

Enjoy this post? Share it with your friends by clicking the Facebook LIKE button..

Powered By Facebook Like Post Plugin

What Can God Do About Our Pain and Disappointment?

Mikki — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 01:30:59 +0000

Most of us are more than qualified to write a good country song or two. You know, something like,

“My heart is in more pieces than your picture on my floor…” or “This bottle is as empty as my heart.”

Seriously, (and I will sell the rights to those song titles if any of you want to cash in on my genius), pain and disappointment are a part of all our lives.

How can we stay grounded when life is hard, disappointments are many, and we find ourselves helplessly watching our dreams die? Can God do anything about our pain and disappointment?

As I pondered this last week, I thought of how the early disciples must have felt after Jesus was crucified. They had opened their hearts and dared to dream the dream of all dreams! They had given up their preconceived notions, traditional beliefs, and so much more to follow Christ. Their days had been full of miracles and mysteries, excitement and fulfillment.

Then, seemingly suddenly, everything was turned upside down, and they end up with a crucified Christ and a lot of confusion. But that’s not the end of their emotional roller coaster. With Christ’s resurrection came a flood of hope, mixed with a whole wagon load of questions, and much to be settled in each one of their hearts and relationally between them all.

I am quite sure there was a lot of restoration that needed to happen between believers. Much had been said and done in those last days and I imagine that there were quite a few offenses that needed to be dealt with.

Can you just imagine the swirl of gossip, accusation, and slander that surrounded the events of Christ’s last days and crucifixion? And then there was the question of the resurrection. Who believed and who doubted?

We can look at the teaching and prayers of Jesus in John 14-17 and see what Jesus knew they would have to deal with:

Worry, doubt, unbelief, feelings of abandonment, the need to change –again – in order to accept the ministry of the Holy Spirit, fear, the predicted “pruning”, the challenge to love, how to deal with the hatred of the world, religious persecution – from the established religious leaders, sorrow, being separated from Jesus, tribulation, the need for unity and sanctification, and the need to forgive, just to name a few!

That’s what we might call “a tall order!”

And it was in fact, an impossible order, without the ministry of the Holy Spirit who came and filled the believers. Yes, the 120 waited and prayed, and allowed God to deal with their hearts, but I promise you, they were still an imperfect people, but they served a perfect God who had, in reality, already trumped all that they enemy had accomplished.

Certainly, their problems didn’t magically disappear, but the Holy Spirit did bring the empowerment they needed to love one another.

The followers of Jesus had faced the challenges of a very dark season. They had failed many of the tests of the season. But yet God still chose to breathe new life into their hearts and fill them with His Holy Spirit and use them to birth His church.

And we find this truth, even in what appears to be total darkness to us, God is still on His holy throne. He still has a plan. He still has all the power we need. He still longs to fill us with His Spirit. He still wants to use us even when we blow it.

What can God do about pain and disappointment? With honest, repentant hearts, He can do more than we can ask or think. And that realization leads us all to the foot of the cross in love and thankfulness, just as the writer of Hebrews says “to find mercy and grace to help in our time of need.”

What Can God Do About Our Pain and Disappointment?

Enjoy this post? Share it with your friends by clicking the Facebook LIKE button..

Powered By Facebook Like Post Plugin