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Mikki
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God’s ways are mysterious, beyond my understanding and often seem downright contradictory. While in my humanity, I prefer to think in straight lines which lend themselves to defining a goal as completed, a task marked off, I find that God’s ways are usually not pictured best by straight lines. They are paths which appear, at times, intertwined, difficult to map out, going forward, then backward, orbiting around a center, and often perplexing my human mind. The longer I walk with God, the more clearly I see that He is truly not confined to my limited understanding. He is working, often His deepest purposes in me, when I am clueless.
This week, I was meditating on two of the seemingly contradictory ways of God. In the next few days, I want to explore these two thoughts:
1. You must go back.
2. You can never go back.
Huh? Sounds confusing? I hope you are intrigued sufficiently to continue reading for both statements are true and I am not being ambivalent. There are times in life when you must absolutely go back. You must go back, as it were, in your mind, your emotions, your relationships, to moments of the past and experience the moments again. There are some very important reasons for us to go back. And in other ways, we must never go back and in fact, cannot do so, but that is for another day this week. Read more...
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Mikki
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A busy ministry schedule has limited my time to blog, but I want to give a quick update.
This is a land of great darkness, but more than that, it is a land of great need of the light of God’s love. Our ministry here has focused on sharing the love of God to the people of Thailand and also to Jason and Sarah Ricketts, who are missionaries here.
I have walked the streets of Pattaya where there are thousands of prostitutes and hundreds of bars. Men come here from around the world for sex. Young girls and boys sell their bodies in order to make money. They are often illiterate and have no marketable skills other than their very body. The damage to their souls is beyond measure. Yet there are some here who are endeavoring to share God’s love. They teach free English classes. They teach marketable skills. They provide counseling for the trauma; most of the young girls have been raped more than once. So many have come here in order to honor their families by providing financially for them. That is important in this culture. Most families know their girls come here to work in the bars. They know their girls will become prostitutes. It is an acceptable means of employment. However, most know nothing of the horrors these young girls will experience. And once the girls experience the horrors of prostitution, instead of honor, they find intense shame and feel unable to go back to their families. Isnt’ that the enemy’s classic strategy? Empty promises and bondage in the very place you thought would bring freedom. Read more...
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Mikki
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In his journey to list the seasons of life, the writer of Ecclesiastes throws this one in…
There is a time to kill and a time to heal. Ecclesiastes 3:3
Since this section of scripture was originally written in Hebrew, and we now have it translated into English, perhaps it would be helpful to know what the original Hebrew words meant. The Hebrew word used here for “heal” means to mend, to cure, to repair, make whole, heal, or physically cure. The Hebrew word used here for kill means to smite with deadly intent, to wound.
What kind of things do we need to kill? We need to kill the things which are enemies of our spiritual, mental, and emotional health. Learning to identify what things need to be killed is the tricky part. Our discernment is not always perfect.
Dying to our flesh and living unto Christ means killing the things that take our away our breath and our ability to breathe in the life-giving spirit of Christ.
For example, when I struggle with judgment, unforgiveness, bitterness, malice, etc., these are things I need to deal with. They take away my spiritual, mental, and emotional health. But how do I deal with them? Ah, here is the part that takes wisdom and discernment. Yes, these things need to go, but why are they there in the first place? This is important to know. For example, if I struggle with anger, it may not just be anger which needs to be put to death. What is the source of my anger? Perhaps it is really fear. Oftentimes the issues we try to put to death are really issues that need to be healed. They will never die if we just bury them alive. They will just pop up in some other area of our lives. Don’t ask me how I know.
Sometimes we Christians set out to kill all our “enemies” when some of what we view as an enemy is really our friend. Instead of being an enemy, my anger might in reality be my friend telling me that something is wrong in my heart, something deeper than my anger. Maybe there is a deep wound which needs to be healed, or perhaps I have what we might call “root issues” or issues stemming from my family of origin. These issues color all our perceptions and relationships.
As I look back at the things which have been giants throughout my life, I remember one of the moments when I looked into the eyes of the giant called the fear of abandonment. I was looking back over my life story with my counselor. And for me, it was a moment of acknowledging the plans of the enemy which had been tailored against me specifically. Having been adopted at birth, I had this deep sense of having been abandoned. The story had been played out over and over again in my life. And the details really don’t matter, what matters is that I faced it and continue to face it at times. That fear hindered my relationship with God and others. It led me to build walls around my heart, keeping others out so they could never get close enough to hurt me by abandoning me. Acknowledging this fear made me feel vulnerable but I sensed the challenge of the Holy Spirit. Would I risk unveiling this deep place within my heart or would I resist the work of God’s Spirit who was leading me to healing waters? Would I take down the walls I had unknowingly built around my heart now that I could see them? Would I make myself vulnerable at this moment while my husband and counselor watched? And if I risked taking down those walls, did I have the promise of never being abandoned again? This is an issue I have with God. He promises good for our hearts, but He doesn’t guarantee a bump-free flight in getting to the land of good. In Psalm 42, the Psalmist paints the picture of a deer panting for living water. It is really a picture of vulnerability. The words used indicate that this was a mature deer, educated by the experiences of his life. He took a risk by openly drinking from this stream, yet his thirst drove him. I felt like that deer during that moment. Would my thirst for healing and freedom be enough to drive me out into the openness? I stepped into the open. I wish I could say that I have always stayed there ever since that moment. I haven’t, but I have learned to increasingly live in that place.
Like taking down the walls around a city, walls that were built to keep enemies out, makes that city visible and accessible to friends and enemies alike, taking down the walls around my heart has allowed others into my life in ways that make me more vulnerable and at the same time, allowed me to be more deeply intimate with my family, friends, and church. It has allowed me to drink deeply of living waters. As I have written before, it is the both/and principle of God. I have become more vulnerable AND stronger at the same time. Not one or the other, but both/and. God’s ways are so mysterious, aren’t they?
One of the benefits/risks (both/and) of being vulnerable is that I have gained some friends who hold my feet to the fire, so to speak, refusing to let me run away when the temperature gets hot. They hold my feet to the fire if I drift away from what my heart knows is true. Recently a friend asked me, ‘Why is it so difficult for you to write your thoughts in greeting cards when you can write your feelings for the world to read?” Ouch, I was nailed. I looked right at her and said, “Because it is more intimate writing to someone I am deeply in relationship with; it is more risky; you might reject me. The world wide web is not nearly so personal.” Her eyes said she got it, but she won’t let me by with it anymore. She and other dear ones keep watch over my soul to help me identify when the “enemies” are in close proximity.
Then a spiritual brother of mine shared with me how he had difficulty writing to those close to him and he wondered why. When I shared my journey, he shook his head and acknowledged the “ouch” of the truth’s pain. He shared that he had been working through that, particularly with his daughter, but now gained insight from my story.
So back to my original point. There is a time to kill. A time to kill the enemies of our soul but first we must discern what the enemy looks like. Perhaps a short list would include the opposites of the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). We need to put to death what Paul calls selfish ambition, envy and strife. We need to smite these things with deadly intent because they are serious enemies.
In the Old Testament days, God sometimes had his people go in and kill all the enemy. In my humanness, I probably can’t explain that, but one thing I do know is that God’s message was that the enemy would continue to perpetuate the things that would destroy God’s children as long as they were allowed to exist in any shape, form, or fashion.
Thank God for the New Testament! But the principle is still applicable. In the New Testament, we are shown that the land we need to conquer is our internal land. The enemies of our spiritual life need to be dealt with. Seriously. We can do that by bringing those enemies into the light and allowing the work of the cross to put them to death.
And as we deal with other people, we need great wisdom. Let us not be too quick to tell others how to deal with certain issues until we know God’s heart on the matter. Let’s make sure we identify the enemy for when we deal with the hearts and souls of humanity, we have an awesome responsibility and an amazing privilege. It seems to me that the more time we spend pursuing our own enemies, the more easily we can recognize the true enemies in others and they are not always what we would assume they are. Sometimes, the enemy is camouflaged. My husband and sons are avid sportsmen, therefore I know a lot about camouflage. Camouflage needs to be adapted for different terrains and it must be changed according to the season. Satan camouflages in the same way. He disguises himself and his plans in order to disappear into the terrain on which we are living so that he is not obvious unless we slow down and take a good look. His disguises change with the seasons but that shouldn’t discourage us because with each passing season, we have the potential to gain wisdom for the next one and we have the potential of growing in relationships with others who can help us identify our enemies.
So whether it is a time to kill or a time to heal or both, there is always grace for the season we find ourselves in. Journey on, my friend.
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Mikki
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1 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance…
Ecclesiastes 3
I don’t suppose there are any of us who could say we really enjoy grieving. The very definition of the word frames the intensity of the pain.
Grief – keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret; anguish, heartache, woe, misery; sadness, melancholy, moroseness.
As the writer of Ecclesiastes pens this beautifully melodic verse , aren’t we just tempted to say, “Well, that was the writer of Ecclesiastes. We all know his writing is fairly negative at times.” We know it is God’s Word but wasn’t the writer just a little off kilter?
I guess I would say he was in a season.
I don’t know any of us who love all seasons equally. As a matter of fact, most of us have at least one season of the year that we just downright hate. We dread its arrival and we endure its length; and we are grateful to see it go.
For me, it’s winter. I don’t enjoy the cold barrenness. Sometimes my body aches when the temperature drops. The nerve damage in my hand screams in response to cold. Winter just doesn’t say “welcome” to me. When I go outside during the winter, I prefer to just get it done and move on with my day.
As of late I have been thinking about the importance of seasons in our lives and what God intends to work in us during our “time to mourn”. It began in the Garden when sin entered. The mourning of the death of intimacy with God and with each other. The mourning of the loss of peace. The mourning of the loss of grace. The loss of home and heart.
And ever since, we as humankind have faced grief. Certainly Jesus came to reverse the curse, to heal our brokenness, to restore our relationship with God and others, but we all have a pretty good sense that we are not living in the fullness of that restoration. We believe that one day grief will end. Sorrow will be no more. Tears will be wiped away, but we are not there yet.
So in the current time on earth, there is a time to grieve. Most can embrace grieving over the death of someone they have loved, but how many of us embrace grieving over the other losses in our life? Hasn’t life taught us to suck it in, be tough, just go on? No use crying over split milk, right?
I am learning that those thoughts have a measure of deception in them. There is a time to mourn; a time to grieve. If we shortcut that process by stuffing our grief inside, what does that mean for us as individuals?
I am not the first to purport this so I don’t claim to give birth to new thought here, but I am discovering an inner truth that for me requires a facing of grief; a looking straight into it; a walking through the valley instead of around it.
How often in our religiousness do we misuse the truth of God’s Word to excuse our lack of willingness to embrace the time to mourn? We say we take authority over it; we are overcomers; we are strong in the Lord. Hogwash. We deceive ourselves. We cannot take authority over, overcome, strong arm our way out, or deny our way through grief. We may appear to be doing so for a time, but I am reminded of the saying that “buried pain never dies.”
If we go back to the Garden, let’s take note that God did not allow Adam and Eve to handle their grief in any of these ways. He didn’t allow them to skirt any of the issues. Now He did make provision for their ultimate healing. He did give them hope. He did redeem. But He didn’t sweep anything under the rug.
In fact, He boldly brought Adam and Eve face to face with the shame of their sin. He boldly brought them to truth. He boldly spoke of consequences. He boldly called for them to face grief.
They were hiding. They were doing everything they could to deny the reality of the sadness of their present life. They had sinned. They had hurt each other. They had broken fellowship with God. The implications of what had happened are still reverberating within all of us and the entire world. God would not allow them to skip over their need to grieve.
And doesn’t repentance include the element of grief? If we only make a mental assent to our failure and try to turn over a new leaf, it never works. We can’t change without repentance. Repentance requires looking honestly at what sin has cost us, whether it be our sin or the sin of someone else against us. That honest look breaks our heart. When we face our sin, we grieve.
We aren’t called to stay in that grief forever. To do so is to refuse the grace of God. To stay in blame, shame, and regret forever is to offer ourselves as the payment for our sin. That is, in many ways, a pride-filled way to reject God’s offer of Christ to cover our sin by trying to cover it ourselves.
But for today, my point is, “There is a time to mourn; a time to grieve.”
My mechanism of choice is to refuse to deeply feel pain. I prefer stuffing it in. I’d rather not think about it. But in my journey of healing, I have found that those ways of relating have never really worked for me. My lack of honest dealing with grief has shown up in my physical body, my emotional well-being, my mental health, my relationships, and my spiritual paths. It just doesn’t work for me any longer. In truth, it never did.
The healing journey that I am finding is requiring me to grieve. Does that sound like an oxymoron? Does it fly in the face of our ideas of strength? How often have I found that God’s ways are just that. Confusing. Paradoxical. Ways that lead us into discomfort. Ways that lead us through the valley of the shadow of death. Ways that lead us to look deeply into pain.
As we look, we must come to the place that says “Without Him I can do nothing.” Without him I can’t truly heal. Without him my life cannot be fixed. I come into the depths of my heart and being and find depravity. But then the season begins to change. The wind begins to warm. Little shoots of green spring up. What is this? It is my glory. My journey of being created in his image. It is my dignity of being like him. It’s the paradox.
In embracing true deep grief, my tears have provided the water for the growth of my soul. The snow melts. The sun warms. And I know more of God than before. I know more of the trueness of the love of others. I know more of my own heart and the plans God has for me.
So maybe you think that reading about grieving is depressing. It seems to me, more than I knew before, that grieving is living life in truth, facing pain so that I can see redemption.
So don’t deny your grief. Experience it in its fullness. And then know that just as the writer of Ecclesiastes said, “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.” And seasons change.
A time to mourn gives way to a season of laughter and dance. A season of hope and healing. Springtime in your heart and soul are just around the corner.
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Mikki
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(This article is so important. I wanted to include it on my site. Please feel free to check out Ruth’s own site at ruthgrahamandfriends.org. )
By Rose French
Associated Press Writer
Thu, Nov. 06 2008 08:59 AM EST
NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Ruth Graham knows firsthand how life can be filled with heartache.
The third of evangelist Billy Graham’s five children, she has dealt with a daughter’s teen pregnancies, another’s bulimia and a son’s drug use.
She also struggled with suicidal thoughts after learning that her first husband had been unfaithful — a discovery that led to a second “rebound marriage” lasting only five weeks.
These low points eventually led her in 2004 to form a ministry, Ruth Graham & Friends, that helps others address problems that she said are too often ignored in the Christian community.
“Once we’re in the church, we pretend all the sinners are on the outside. We want to keep the rules, and when we can’t, we become shameful and pretend we have it all together,” Graham said in an interview.
Graham is trying to educate Christians about these issues through her “Get Growing” conferences, including one held last month in Nashville that drew about 400 people.
The events address troubles such as addiction, depression, eating disorders, marital infidelity, anger, divorce, loneliness and pornography.
“The world is tired of plastic Christians,” she said. “I was tired of being a plastic Christian. I told everybody I had it all together, and I was falling apart. And I was scared to death to tell somebody.” Read more...
