Mikki's Blog - Living in the Grace and Love of God

How to Become a Great Parent in Three Easy Steps

Mikki — Tue, 08 May 2012 15:03:16 +0000

I am a mother. I’ve often wished for a check list like How to Become a Great Parent in Three Easy Steps. I’ve even asked God if He could just spell out every situation specifically. Yet, it doesn’t seem to work that way but with Mother’s Day quickly arriving, I’ve been contemplating my parenting. You know that there is not really any such thing as Three Easy Steps other than crying, Help me God, Help me, God, Help me, God.

My firstborn arrived the week I turned 23. I knew almost nothing about being a mom. Oh, I had read the books, tons of them but I hadn’t even been around a baby in years. Yet I was committed to being a perfect mother.

Now 29 years later as a mother of four amazing kids, one thing I have had to give up was my need to be perfect. While my love for my children has always been unquestionable, my parenting has not been perfect. Mothering is a huge learning curve and no matter how many books you read, so much is learned through the experiences, the highs and lows, the successes and failures.

If I could do it all over again, I’d do so many things differently. Yet how can we know what we don’t know? So what’s a parent to do? Here are a few of my thoughts from my own journey.

Turn in your Superman/Superwoman capes. There are no perfect parents. Even Joseph and Mary goofed up and somehow lost Jesus for an entire day.

Own your failures, not as a guilt trip or a way for your kids to manipulate you but as a way to model facing truth and changing. Say I’m sorry when you blow it. Your kiddos already know you’re not perfect so don’t worry about blowing your image. Model healthy relationships by apologizing when you need to.

Take care of yourself, seriously. Moms, in particular, tend to put themselves last as if being a martyr of some type earns you points with your kids or others. Taking care of yourself teaches kids how to do the same.

Pursue your dreams while teaching your kids to pursue theirs.

Strive for balance. Parenting is the ultimate challenge on time and resources.

Refuse to overextend yourself on a consistent basis. It only leads to disaster of some sort or another.

Figure out the difference between needs and wants, both your own and your kids, and know that sometimes the best thing to say is “No”. And as a therapist friend of mine reminds me, “No” is a complete sentence.

Find a friend, therapist, or someone who will tell you the truth about your life and listen. Check in often.

Pray without ceasing. God knows what you don’t and He’s willing to tell you what you need to know.

Parenting would be so much easier if kids came with checklists, which I personally love J But like all real relationships, parenting is a part of a living process that requires you to be able to hear your heart, your kids’ hearts, and the Father’s heart.

How to Become a Great Parent in Three Easy Steps

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Trinidad, God, and Me

Mikki — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 21:17:02 +0000

I just returned home from 8 days in Trinidad. Trinidad is the southernmost island in the Caribbean and is only about 7 miles from Venezuela.

As a part of a team of eighteen, we ministered to the people of Trinidad and they ministered to us. I wish I could have taken you all with me and you could have experienced these beautiful, loving people whose hearts were wide-open to God and our team

We saw the hand of God in miraculous power. The highlight of the trip for me was ministering to a young Trini woman who had no hearing in her left ear. She lost her hearing at age 2 because of repeated ear infections and the doctors told her she’d never hear again in that ear. They also told her that parts of her inner ear were “decayed” and just not there anymore. It’d be great if I could tell you that I was filled with faith as I prayed for her. I wasn’t. But I felt impressed to pray that God would perform a creative miracle in her ear and make it just as if it were brand new. In less than a minute, she began to cry and tell me that she could hear. I wish you could have seen the smile on her face at that moment!

I just stood there, wide-eyed, and amazed at God and rejoicing for this lovely young woman. I also was amazed at how over and over again God touched, healed, and encouraged the Trinis and encouraged me. I was reminded of just how big our God is and the power of asking and receiving.

I must say I am beyond dog-tired. If you think an American church service can be lengthy at times, you should try one in Trinidad. The night time services were 5-6 hours long, yes, you heard me right. On Sunday, we got to church at 10 and didn’t leave until almost 9 that night. I got in touch with the limitedness of my “earthen vessel” (2 Corinthians 4:7). And yet, it’s a good weariness.

We ate shark sandwiches, other local foods, and some of us (ah, not me) ate iguana. By the end of the trip, we were pretty happy campers to find Pizza Hut is on the island!

In Ephesians 1:18 tells us that there is an inheritance in the saints and I know I received some of my inheritance that is in the Trini people. I am richer for having been.

Trinidad, God, and Me

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Springtime in My Heart

Mikki — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 02:15:31 +0000

It’s springtime in Alabama. The world is so green it almost looks unreal. The trees, the flowers, and the grasses reach for the sky, alive again. Winter is displaced by the rushing forces of spring which refuse to be denied and I smile. The way the earth calls me is almost indescribable. My toes beg for the soft grass. Front porch rockers beckon for long pauses of my soul. Drab gives way to color. Cold days are forgotten. Everything is gloriously alive, including me.

As I drink in the warm sunshine, I think of how the earth is seemingly reborn every springtime. And I think of what someone said to me last week, that it was almost as if I were born again, again. Yeah, that’s a good description of my life right now.

Reminds me of when my oldest son, Andrew, committed his life to Christ at age 5. My husband prayed with him. They were in my daughter’s purple bedroom. After the prayer, Andrew said, “The room’s more purple-er.” Yeah, the world’s more purple-er.

Winter always lasts too long, don’t you think? My personal winter certainly did. The winds blew, the snows came, the ice covered everything. Nothing grew, or at least it seemed. My winter brought confusion, hurt, disillusionment, and a general sense of being lost, unsure of who I was any more. And yet, the winter pruned me.

Now I notice I can more clearly define myself. Choices are easier. I know who I am, what I want, and at least some of where I’m going. I don’t get easily lost in other folks’ agendas. I can say no, clearly and often if need be.

I know more of what my soul has to have to thrive. My inner meter warns me when I am becoming off balanced, too busy, and too empty. I know Who sustains me when all else falls away and it’s not just a religious cliché.

When my heart longs, I feel it. My life has opened to more depth. I no longer rush to fix anyone or any situation. I can stay in painful moments and moments of joy without needing to package them or rush them away. I can cry, repeatedly, and I almost daily do, with hurting people. I can laugh until my side hurts in moments of delight. I can take time to play and not feel unproductive.

My journey into deeper authenticity with the world, my own heart, those I love, and my God is traversed with a keen awareness that each day is a gift which is not always easy, but is full and rich and substantial.

I feel I’m home again, born again, again. Comfortable in my own skin. At peace with me. Think I’ll just take my shoes off and walk barefoot in the grass ‘cause there’s nothing like springtime in Alabama and springtime in my heart.

Springtime in My Heart

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