Waiting on God
ByWaiting on God
As I entered the hospital, I heard a woman say “We’re just waiting to see.” Directly behind her was the newspaper stand. The newspaper headline spoke of having to wait. I thought of how many times we say “I’m just waiting on God.” Implied is “There is nothing I can do about this.” Sometimes implied is “I have no idea where God is in this situation.” I began to think about how spiritual it sounds to say, “I am waiting on God.” It sounds so holy. So Christian. So patient. So obedient.
But then I thought of how it feels in spite of the facade we put up when we say “We’re just waiting” as if we are at peace with the wait. I thought of it in this way:
Waiting on God
I feel the unanswered questions
And I struggle to relinquish control
I try to quiet my mind and
bridle my emotions
I feel the inner frustration
And the need to be at peace
“Where are you, God?
How can I interpret your silence?”
It may sound spiritual
But it feels restless
The deep longing for God
To prove He is alive
Waiting on God
David said
“I pour out my soul within me”
That is what waiting feels like
How beautiful when it is over
When the answers come
Until then I long for the end
Of the time of waiting
Waiting on God
Realizing that in the process
As my mind and flesh scream
I am learning lessons
About myself and about Him
It is like being behind the waterfall
Movement is all around
But I stay in the quiet place
Watching the powerful force around me
Waiting on God
Feels like He has forgotten
Feels as if He has forsaken
And the very way He answers
Speaks to those deep questions
It is confusing and clarifying
Hurtful and helpful
It is weakness and strength
Fear and confidence
Waiting on God
My greatest fears
Demands an answer
And an end to the wait
Is like waiting on springtime
During the winter
Glimpses of hope
Grow with the daffodils
Waiting on God
Experiencing the snow
Again
The disappointment of
Springtime delayed
Experiencing the resurrection
Of hope and purpose
And then I say, “It was worth it”
But I wouldn’t choose it
Waiting on God
Truthfully, I hate it
The waiting challenges
Everything within me
On the question of trust
But yet, I have no option out
As the natural seasons cycle
So does my life with God
So I wait
For springtime
And summer
Then I dread Autumn
Because it leads to winter
When I will wait….
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Mikki, this is beautiful. There are no other words.